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When are You too OLD to Raise a Child?

By Heather Idoni

Added Friday, September 21, 2007

==========================================================
The Homeschooler's Notebook
Encouragement and Advice for Homeschool Families
==========================================================
Vol. 8 No 73 September 21, 2007
ISSN: 1536-2035
==========================================================
Copyright (c) 2007 - Heather Idoni, FamilyClassroom.net
==========================================================

Welcome to the Homeschooler's Notebook!
If you like this newsletter, please recommend it to a friend!

NEWSFLASH! We now have an RSS feed! Add us to your reader
here: http://www.familyclassroom.net/Homeschool-Notebook.xml

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

=================
IN THIS ISSUE:
=================

Notes from Heather
-- Tribute to the 'Older' Parents
Helpful Tips
-- Setting a Timer
Winning Website
-- Cornell University Bird Study
Reader Question
-- Older Parents and Adoption
Additional Notes
-- Searchable Archive
-- Our Email Group
-- Sponsorship Information
-- Reprint Information
-- Subscriber Information

=======================
Notes from Heather
=======================

This newsletter is devoted to all the older, wiser moms out there.

If "43 and up" is the standard, I sure hope I start feeling WISE
soon! I turn 43 on September 28th and we're expecting our 6th
child after a gap of 7 years. I was thinking I surely must be done
having babies, but God knew better and has blessed us greatly again!
I go on the 24th for my first prenatal appointment and... wow, some
days I feel like I'm 25 all over again... and some days I just feel
very, very OLD! :-)

Our reader question last issue was from Bonita who is 43 and ques-
tioning the wisdom of adopting a child at her age. We were blown
away with emails full of encouragement for her, so be sure to read
the question/answer segment!

The reader feedback I've included below is in response to Debora B.,
age 52, who wrote in a few issues ago (9/14). The first email is
from Bonnie, 48, who also considers herself to be a "much older mom".
Debora, I sure hope you get to see our special issue today and you
are also encouraged by it! :-)

---

Emails for Debora - 'older' mom homeschooling special needs

"Hi Heather -- love your newsletter! I don't have a comment or
question but wanted to reply to Debora in Georgia. I am also a
much older mom, 48, teaching a 10 year old girl this year and a
16 year old. Both were labeled gifted (high end) in public school
2 years ago. Sometimes I feel totally incompetent to teach them,
but then the Lord reminds me of an old hymn with the lines 'The
battle is His, the victory is ours, and victory is sweet!" My
victories are little glimpses of something good every day, not
just in curriculum learning but also in forming their character
and knowledge of Jesus." -- Bonnie in AL

---

"I read about your struggles with your niece, and I think you're
on the right track. I, too, had a daughter diagnosed with CAPD
and ADD, and I pulled her out of conventional school at around the
same age. We worked through the rest of her school-aged years with
a canned curriculum, and she went on to graduate a semester early
from a 4-year college with a degree in Poli Sci. She now works for
a major lobbying group near Washington, D.C. Don't lose hope! One
of the things that helped my daughter tremendously was listening to
a book on tape while following the words in the paper book. That
might help your niece. I know you can do it!" -- Fiona in OH

---

Do you have comments to share? Please do!

Send your emails to: heather@familyclassroom.net


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================
Helpful Tip
================

Active Boys and Seat Work

"Set a timer for each task, so there is an end in sight. 'Work
on your math for 20 minutes'. When the timer goes off, IF they
have worked fairly constantly (use your judgment here), let them
run around, build with Legos, whatever, for a certain amount of
time. Then set the timer for the next subject. This really helped
with my boys because they knew they would not be sitting there
forever." -- Megan - group member, www.HomeschoolingBOYS.com

---

Do you have an idea, experience, or tip to share? Please write!
Send to: HN-ideas@familyclassroom.net


==================
Winning Website
==================

http://www.birds.cornell.edu/schoolyard/T_Resouces/index.html

Cornell University has created a wonderful site to encourage the
study of birds. On this page you'll find links to lesson and
activity ideas, bird and nature links, and a wonderful, download-
able bird coloring book!

-- Cindy at www.HomeschoolingFromTheHeart.com


===============================
Last Issue's Reader Question
===============================


"My husband and I are going to be adopting a baby and we are 44 and
43 years old. I have a 10 year old and a 15 year old. I was truly
excited until I began to think about how old I will be when the child
we adopt turns 20 and we will be 64 and 63 years old. That is a
little scary to think about! I was wondering -- are there any other
older homeschooling moms who can give us some encouraging words and/or
articles or books to possibly read?" -- Bonita


=========================
Our Readers' Responses
=========================

Note: We had SO many wonderful and encouraging answers to Bonita's
question -- over 25 in all! I have included only the first 8 that
I received here, but if you want to keep reading more, they will
ALL be included on the page for this issue at the link below:

http://www.familyclassroom.net/Articles20073/20070921.html

I do encourage you to go and read all of them. There are some very
amazing stories -- including one mom whose father was born in 1875!

Enjoy being encouraged - you older moms, and also all you parents
who may be much younger but gaze in wonder at these mysteries. :-)

---

"We just came home from China a few days ago with our newly adopted
five year old son. Just last night we were talking about how the
fact that we would both be 65 years old when he turns eighteen. As
I thought about the next 13 years of our lives, I reflected on the
fact that although our youngest biological child is now 21 and we
could be empty-nesters, we are enjoying extending our parenting
years. We do things differently than we did in the early years of
homeschooling, but we have learned a lot over the years and hope-
fully this experience will benefit our youngest child. If we weren't
parenting, we would be doing other things that would still require
energy! Our friends are just as involved with life as we are; it is
just that our time and attention is still being spent at home. It's
a blessing and definitely how God has called us to invest our time."
-- Deb

---

"Congratulations Bonita! My husband and I are older parents that
have adopted 3 children in the last 3 years. We also struggled with
the 'Am I to old to adopt' question. My husband just turned 61 and
I am 48. I had more of a struggle with the decision than my husband.
The first thing we did was pray and then talked to our older children
and asked that if anything would happen to us would they raise their
sibling. We are foster parents and just believed that each child
that was sent to us God had a plan for. Lastly, we knew that our
children would be moved from foster home to foster home and how
could we live with that? We love them dearly and they have filled
our home with laughter and activity that we would have missed if we
denied God's plan. I would say adopt and enjoy the blessing! God
will work out all the details." -- Christy

---

"Dear Bonita -- Do not forget that when you and your husband are in
your early 60's and your son is 20, he will be TWENTY. That means
he will have been driving already for 4 years, can vote, cook, do
his own laundry, mow the grass, clean the house, repair the car,
run errands for you, etc. In other words, he will be an asset to
you and your husband. Do all you can to take care of your physical
and emotional health, and in my opinion, you have NOTHING to worry
about. My husband is 61 and I am 59 at this time. Our youngest
home schooled child left home just last December. He is 24 now and
preparing to marry. In no way do I feel that I would have been too
old to have him here for a few more years, if he were a few years
younger. It simply is not a problem. He will be such a blessing to
you and he will benefit from your wisdom and patience at that age.
Enjoy! God bless you." -- Yolanda B.

---

"You struck me pretty close to home, Bonita! Relax! You have
nothing to be anxious about. I was 40 and 42 when my children were
born. My husband was 50 and 52. When our children are 18 and 20
we will be 60 and 70. The closer we get to those ages, the younger
they seem to us. You will likely find that you won't have as much
energy as you had when your other two were small, but what you've
lost in energy, you will have gained in wisdom. (So you might not
be able to outrun this child, but you'll be able to outsmart him!)
You now have a better perception of how fast time goes, and you
will be less likely to let the precious years get away from you
without making the most of them. Older parents are usually less
self-centered. You will have help from your older children, which
you didn't have when they were babies.

You don't have to look far in the homeschool community to find older
parents; because of the large family sizes of many of them, those
children were spread out over several years, and the younger ones
come at a later age for the parents. I doubt that you could find
any parents among them who regret having children when they were
older. You might get a chuckle out of this story: My parents were
older, too, and one time my father, who was known for his quick
witted one-liners, expressed that he wished he had had us when he
was younger. My sister reminded him that he and Mother had stayed
young because of us. My father responded, 'No, we've stayed young
in SPITE of you!'" -- Mary Beth

---

"We just adopted four special needs children through the state of
Missouri - ten years old and under, three boys and a girl and the
youngest is five - and we are home schooling them! We are fifty
and fifty one years old... we have two grown and married children
and one grand baby... and we are starting over too! So you can do
it! Look to the Lord... He will meet your every need."
-- Sharon in Missouri

---

"My husband and I were 71 and 46, respectively, when we adopted our
10th child. She was 10 years old. We are in the process of adopt-
ing two more children, ages 14 and 15 -- and we are now 75 and 50.

Our children are blessed by our love and instruction as long as we
are here. When it is time to be called home, we only pray that it
will be at an old age - it can happen any time. So bless the child,
provide for it's future with or without you -- and RELAX!"
-- Sabrina in SC

---

"Hello Bonita -- I just wanted to encourage you about adoption. My
husband and I just adopted a baby girl from Guatemala in April, and
she turned 1 this past weekend. What a blessing she has been to
our family already! We homeschool an 11 year old boy and a 14 year
old girl and homeschooled my older son, 25 who has graduated from
college and is on his own. I'm 48 and my husband is 44, and we knew
God wanted us to adopt her, so we trust Him with the future. We
hope that what we lack in energy might be made up for in wisdom. No
parents are perfect, but we believe we must be the 'perfect' parents
for Karina. God bless you." -- Marcie in VA

---

"I became an adoptive mom at 43, and it’s been great! Yes, we'll be
'older', but that just means we've lived longer and have a larger
time span and experience from which to draw as we parent our chil-
dren. For myself, I've found I'm less prone to the latest trend,
tend to think things through more than when I was younger, and have
a better grasp of the brevity of life from this vantage point than
I did, say in my twenties. (This is not to knock younger moms, for
I dearly wished I'd become a mom in my 20's -- but that wasn't God's
plan for me or our family.) I take confidence in the fact that this
is the time and way that God has built our family. Also, at this
stage of life, I've already had a professional career outside of the
home (which I very much enjoyed) and am more at peace being at home
now as this was what I wanted most to do with my life. In the home-
schooling support group I attend, there are moms of all ages and
I've found acceptance as an equal. I'm not sure I would have had
the wisdom or confidence to homeschool when I was younger, but now
I do. If it's God's plan for us to be moms at this stage of life,
then it's His plan for our children too, and I take confidence from
that! May you be blessed on your journey as you grow in your new
role!" -- Rhonda

  ---

**More answers that were not included in the emailed version of
the newsletter  are continued below.**

  ---

  "When I was 44, we had a 13 year old, an 8 year old and a 6 year
  old.  I had had many female problems since my six year old was
  born and thought I was entering menopause, but it turned out that
  the Lord had blessed us with another child!  My husband and I
  were happy, but stunned to think of the age difference between
  the children and the fact that we will be so much older when he
  graduates.  My OB/GYN painted a bleak picture of whether this
  little one would ever make it to be born.  Friends were mixed in
  support... some thought it was horrid, others thought it was the
  neatest thing in the world.
 
  When that little guy was born, he was the most perfect little
  creation and our whole family became even closer as we slowed
  down and got to see the world through his eyes.  He is now nearly
  three years old and each day with him is such a blessing.  It is
  beautiful to watch the four kids loving each other so much; watch-
  ing him confidently explore the world while pulling along a big
  brother or sister; sharing stories of how each of the older kids
  acted at this age.  There are a million tender loving moments, a
  million funny moments, and there's tons of learning.  The kids
  (and I) have really learned how to flexible and how to focus on
  what's really important each day instead of what 'seems' important.
 
  In short, we stopped worrying about what will happen 20 years from
  now, and we focus on each wonderful, exciting day we have together.
  None of us knows if we have one more day upon this earth, let alone
  whether we will be here in 20 years, so we need to focus on what
  is happening now and make it full of shared love, values, laughter,
  learning, and treasuring each individual for the amazing creation
  they are.
 
  I think it is beautiful that you are going to share your love,
  family, and home with a little person who needs a family.  'Don't
  worry about tomorrow; it will take care of itself.'" -- Laura

  ---

  "Those are just numbers.  When you actually turn those ages, you
  will be amazed at how well you are doing.
 
  My granddaughter lives with me.  She turned 15 in May.  I will be
  turning 65 this December.  I have no problems with that.  I am
  also home schooling her.  Having a young one around keeps me in
  the young world. 
 
  You're not going to jump automatically into the 64 and 63 ages.
  Get that baby and take it one day at a time!  I can appreciate your
  apprehension but, in the end, it will be such a blessing to have
  had this child! 
 
  You are still young people.  You have a lot to contribute to a
  child.  But - also remember - at your ages right now, you have the
  patience to take care of the child too.
 
  I wish you all the best!  And, I know your child will have the
  best in it's parents!" -- Judy M.

  ---

  "My husband and I are your ages and have three teenage boys 20, 17,
  and 14.  God then saw fit to give us a new baby girl 10 months ago.
  Wow!  You have no idea how much easier it is to parent a baby now
  than when the boys were little.  You have so much more experience.
  You also have older kids who can help when you need a break.  Don't
  worry so much about how old you'll be; you will still be a loving
  mom and dad -- that's really what counts.  You can handle it, or
  God wouldn't have given you this wonderful opportunity." -- S.M.

  ---

  "I am actually a homeschooling Nana.  My daughter is divorced so
  must work butwe wanted to home school her oldest child (daughter)
  as well as her 1st grade son eventually.  I can assure you that it
  works out wonderfully.  I tell people that homeschooling is often
  frustrating but always rewarding.  My granddaughter is now at 7th
  grade level and has been homeschooled since mid-4th grade due to
  problems that we couldn't resolve with one of her teachers.  Don't
  be afraid to do this and don't be afraid to ask for help.  I guar-
  antee that you'll learn along with your child and it has a definite
  way of keeping you feeling young. Good luck and God bless." -- Jayne

  ---

  "I think that the fact that you already have a pre-teen and a teen
  makes you young at heart!  Plus, how wonderful to give this child
  a home, regardless of your age.  Thank you for being willing to do
  this.  God will give you the wisdom you need for this child and
  fortunately, it's not all up to you.  The Lord has His own plans
  for this child and will take your strengths and your weaknesses -
  your goodheartedness - your faults and failures - all of this - to
  use them for your and your child's good. 
 
  You are the same age as my mom when I was born.  My mom was 42,
  almost 43.  My dad was 50!  They did their imperfect best with their
  little surprise.  Even though they didn't have the same 'zip' as
  when they had my other siblings, they provided a most memorable
  childhood for me.  We didn't have a lot of money - my dad was a
  school teacher and my mom stayed at home.  This was 1959 - I know,
  things are different now!  Still, I never felt any lack.  They some-
  how taught me to swim at age 3; ride a bike by age 5.  I had so much
  freedom to be a child.  My mom was a nature lover and instilled the
  love in me, just by watching her observe it and love it, and showing
  me knowledge over the years just by regular conversation like, 'Oh
  look, there's a nuthatch' -- or, 'look at those huge cumulus clouds
  - we're going to get some rain.  I see it in the west'.  Hearing
  these bits of conversation over the years caused me to know every
  species of bird in my world.  No worksheets!  Same with baking and
  cooking.  I mostly watched!
 
  My mom always had paper, crayons, paints, oil pastels and the like.
 She let me create when I wanted to.  I am grateful for her being
 okay with my need for that.   
 
  We didn't have electronic toys that showed us stuff.  We just
  learned -- mostly by playing outside and looking at books.  I tell
  you, I learned more at home than at all my years at school.  And my
  parents didn't really try! 
 
  So, I guess I said all that to say this:  Relax and enjoy what the
  Lord has given you and don't stress too much about age.  God has our
  days numbered anyway, so it's pointless to worry about that.  I know
  of some grandparents who are older than you who are doing the same
  thing.  I myself had my last at age 38, so I'm not too far behind
  the point where you are today.  I'm looking at what I said above to
  encourage me as well (I'm almost 50 with a preteen).  I hope this
  gives you some peace." -- D. in NC

  --

  "Bonita - my husband was 56 and I was 48 when we adopted our young-
  est daughter.  All I can say is that she has been our greatest
  blessing from the Lord.  She's now 8 and we still have a 17 year old
  at home.  My husband works part-time for a Christian benevolence
  organization and manages our rental property also but he's home much
  more than most husbands.  Don't even figure out how old we'll be
  when our daughter is 10!  It's scary but also wonderful.  Don't be
  frightened; just let the Lord lead you.  You may not have as much
  energy as you did when you were younger but if you're like me, you
  will have more patience and be much less self-centered so it all
  works out!  I have to say 'No, she's my daughter, not granddaughter'
  about once a week, but who cares?  I just laugh and thank the Lord
  for blessing me with her.  Good luck and God bless!" -- Debbie B.

  ---

  "In 20 years, you will be 64 and 63 whether you adopt the baby or
  not!

  My husband's parents were in their late 40's when they had him.  At
  least your body doesn't have to go through all of the stress and
  changes of pregnancy (though, believe me, the stress of adoption is
  not to be minimized!)  You have lots of experience, older children
  who can help out, and you don't have three others in diapers.  You
  can do it!

  There are a lot of women having their first baby in their 40's, or
  who are starting a second family in their 40's.  My hubby does feel
  ripped-off that he lost his dad to cancer when he was only 30, but
  accidents can take any of us at any time.  Even if something happened
  to you and your husband, your oldest child will probably be old
  enough at that time to take over guardianship.  Call me morbid, but
  I know it was a great relief to my parents when I turned 18 -- and
  they changed their wills so that if something happened to them, I
  could take guardianship of my younger brother.  They are both still
  alive and well and enjoying their grandbabies." -- Pam

  ---

  "We also homeschool and had our last child at 40 years old.  It is
  so wonderful to have children later on.  We also have older children
  too.  The two latest ones who are now 6 and 7 years old have really
  complemented our home.  Children are a blessing from God and He will
  provide the strength and grace and wisdom and all that we need to
  raise them for His glory.  People in their 60's now are usually much
  healthier due to our taking care of ourselves with God's help and
  the advances in medical care.  God helps us to take one day at a
  time and trust Him for our future and the plans He has for our chil-
  dren.  My name is also Bonita -- I thought this was so neat!  God
  bless you!"

  ---

  "I'm busy!  But I'll stop long enough to say 'It's OK, if that's
  where God is leading you.'  Our first adoption was a nine month old
  girl from China when we were 44 and 42 years old.  We already had 4
  kids between 8 and 19 -- 'What were we thinking?' -- was the reaction
  of some folks.  It was simple; I just wanted one more baby.  In the
  past year we have been blessed to adopt two more girls from China,
 so now we have three girls, ages 9, 10 and 13.  We've homeschooled
  since '91.  Gotta run -- the girls and I are making cupcakes. :-)
  (PS -- this probably won't be your last adoption, for the same
  reasons we adopted again!" -- Linda in OKC

  ---

  "Hi Bonita! -- Our first two children are adopted.  My husband was
  30 and I was 29 when we got out first, and 31 and 30 when we got our
  second.  Six years later, the impossible happened, and I gave birth
  to a baby girl at 36 years of age.  This does not not quite keep up
  with you, but I can assure you, that you'll enjoy this time around
  much more, because you will have relaxed a lot of your previously
  too rigid ideas. (All young Mom's have them!)  Also, you'll find
  yourself having more time to just enjoy your child than you did with
  your older children.  Moreover, you'll become younger in your think-
  ing, because of this precious new life you'll be nurturing. 

  We did home school with our youngest, and she was mostly raised as
  an only child, but she has done well in home-school and she has
  warmed our later years with her youth and spontaneity." -- Jacque

  ---

  "I don't know of any books to read, except the Bible, but I would
  like to offer you some encouragement.  We have adopted 2 children
  and have 4 biological children.  They span in age from 27 down to
  4.  We now also have our first grandbaby -- how fun!  My husband
  is currently 54 and I am 38, so my husband at least can relate to
  what you are talking about.  We have had these discussions many
  times.  The good news is when you are in your 60's, your child will
  no longer be a baby.  We think of ourselves as being old before our
  children leave home, but sometimes we fail to remember that they
  will, for the most part, be responsible for themselves at that
  point.  Even at this time, with our 4 still at home, we are exper-
  iencing some freedom with 'date nights', etc., because we have
  children old enough to babysit the younger ones.  No matter what
  age you are or the children are, they are blessings from the Lord.
  I just look at each of our children and know that God has brought
  us together as a family to love and serve Him -- and we can do
  that at any age.  Blessings to you." -- Karen D.

  ---

  "Oh, Bonita -- my husband is 65 and I am 62.  Our daughter is 10,
  yes 10.  Do you realize how old we will be when she is 20?  This
  is our 6th year to homeschool.  Our son is 35.  He said we went
  out and adopted our own grandchild.  Neither he nor his older
  sister wanted kids.  We believe that we are better parents with
  this one than with the older two.  We have more time and we are
  not caught up in the trap of 'life is passing me by while we raise
  this kid'.  My husband was/is not caught up in starting a career
  and neither am I.  We have friends our age raising grandkids.
  They agree that they are better parents.  AND we don't keep the
  kids up with OUR loud parties!" -- Nancie

  ---

  "I smiled as I read your concern about your ages when the child
  turned twenty.  This will probably blow your mind, but my dad was
  born in 1875 and my mom was born in 1905.  In other words, 30
  years difference in their ages.  My dad was 48 when he married my
  mom, keeping a promise he made to his dad before he died that he
  would take care of his mother.  My dad had never married until he
  met my mom who was not quite 18 when they married and had seven
  children before I was born.  My dad was 66 when I was born; he
  was 85 1/2 when he died; I was 19.  Mom lived until she was 83 1/2.
  She died in 1988 and I still long to pick up the phone and call
  her, but moms and daughters are like that!

  All of Dad's sisters lived to be 88 or more, one over 100 years.
  My mom had 17 sisters and brothers.  It isn't the age you should
  be concerned about but the love and attention you can give your
  children.  It certainly isn't the money either or the things you
  can buy.  It is the commitment to one another, you and your hus-
  band, that is the best gift you can give your children.  My oldest
  sister is 16 years older than I am and I recently celebrated my
  66th birthday.  Commitment, love and forgiving one another is the
  key to building a great family! -- And a faith in God as we were
  in church almost every time the doors were opened!  That is where
  we saw all our cousins and had such fun together with friends and
  learned a respect and genuine love for one another and each other's
  families." -- Ann in FL

  ---

  "Hello Bonita -- I am so happy that you are considering adoption.
  It is a wonderful way to build a family.  All 3 of my kids (12, 7
  and 6) were adopted internationally.  I am 45 and my husband will
  be 55.  When we adopted our 2 youngest ones in 2003, we were 41
  and 51.  We, too, will be... ohhh... about 57 and 67 when our
  youngest graduates high school!  But the Lord will not be placing
  this adoption in your hearts and in your homes if He did not think
  you had the 'tools' to handle it.  And if you don't, He will make
  sure He gives them to you.  Don't hesitate to adopt because of
  your ages.  It is truly a life-moving experience (as is giving
  birth, too!) that is too good to miss if it comes your way!  That
  first time you see your new child you will never forget.  Yes, you
  may be the 'older mom' in the crowd -- I have even been mistaken
  for my kids' grandma at times (thank goodness for haircolor!) and
  so has my husband... grandpa, though.  But that's okay. 

  The best advice I can give is to pray!  Pray for His guidance and
  strength and that the process goes well.  Sometimes adoptions can
  be more difficult than others (that's a story for another day),
  but in the long run, the Lord will see to it that His will is done
  and the child is placed in your home -- and you will never look
  back!  Blessings on your and your family.  I will also be praying
  for you." -- Mari in Illinois

  ---

  "Hi Bonita -- Congratulations and good luck!  What a wonderful
  thing you are doing.  I'm sure that you will soon realize that you
  are blessed beyond measure to have her in your life.  What a wonder-
  ful gift you are giving her -- regardless of your age.  I'm sure
  you have read the little poem about how it doesn't matter what kind
  of house you had, or money you made, etc., your child is only aware
  of the love and time you give to them.  I truly believe that applies
  to a child even if you are older and no matter how much time they
  have with you. 
 
  My husband and I are both 42, and we have a 16 year old, a 14 year
  old, a 3 1/2 year old, a 3-week old, and a foster baby that is 8
  months old (we have had her since birth and hope to adopt her).  We
  fervently wish that we had not put so much time between our older
  two and younger ones and grieve for the ones we could have had if
  we had been wiser.  But we are so grateful for the chance to be
  parents again.  We truly believe that the world will be a better
  place because of our children's lives.  My father is in his early
  60's, and he wouldn't have any problem keeping up with a 20 year old!
  It is a fact of life that your child will face losing you earlier
  than most.  However, no matter when you lose a parent, it is painful.
  My mother died when she was 53, and it was very difficult.  But God
  brought other people/relationships into my life to help me through
  the loss.  The amount of patience and wisdom you have to raise her
  with now will be a blessing.  I have been a much more relaxed mother
  this time around.  I have enjoyed each moment so much more and have
  realized how many things are not really as important as I thought
  they were at one time.  My older children are such a wonderful help,
  and they are receiving an invaluable education in caring for young
  children.  How wonderful it is to be able to run and take a shower
  (alone!!) and know there is someone capable of keeping an eye on the
  baby for a little while!
 
  My brother-in-law's father is in his 80's (he is 45), and he is very
  close to his dad.  He has said many times that it never bothered him
  that his father was older.  He never even thought anything about it
  when he was young.  It never even occurred to him that his father
  was older than other dads.  Consequently, his youngest child is 9
  months old!" -- Heather

  ---

  "Bonita -- cheer up!  Don't look down that road right now.  How do
  you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time -- as the old saying goes.
  I was forty when my last child was born.  That was the year we
  decided to homeschool.  I used to look down that same road, and think
  similar thoughts.  Guess what?  My 'baby' is now 16, and a junior in
  high school.  I haven't the foggiest idea how the time went by so
  fast!  Enjoy your baby -- he/she won't be a baby for long, and I'm
  sure will be a blessing in your 'old age'." -- Joanne M.

  ---

  "How lucky you are!  You have your health and are considered to be
  good parents to be able to adopt a baby.  At 41 and 50, my husband
  and I took on a granddaughter, and a year later, her sister.  We
  haven't adopted them, but have court custody of them, and the judge
  said this is the same as if they were born to us.  They are 12 and
  13 now, and I don't regret a moment of it, except the health problems
  both my husband and I have had all this time.  We can't get down and
  play with them.  But we are fortunate that we can homeschool them.

  Don't think you're going to be 'so old' when the child is 20.  Think
  of the wonderful times you are going to have with him/her.  Love is
  the answer." -- Jan in MO  

 =========================
Answer our NEW Question
=========================

"What do you and others do when a loved one becomes critically
ill and you are the one in the family that takes care of that
person? My dad became critically ill 17 months ago. He has been
in the hospital and rehabilitation center. It looked as though
things were going to calm down so that I could have a normal
school year this year as last year we had to work around hospital
schedules. Two weeks ago he took very ill again and is back in
the hospital. School had to be put on hold. I am unsure how to
handle this since it has been ongoing. We were able to get our
days in last year since we school year round. The problem is that
again this year I feel that I am slighting my son. Anyone else
had to deal with this? If so, what did you do? Thanks so much."
-- Janet

---

Do you have some experience, encouragement or advice for Janet?

Please send your answer to: HN-answers@familyclassroom.net


=====================
Ask YOUR Question
=====================

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Send it to HN-questions@familyclassroom.net and we'll see
if we can help you out in a future issue!


=======================
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=======================

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This ultra-safe chat is supervised by experienced moms who are
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Check out our schedule of daily chats and jump right in! :-)

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=====================
ADDITIONAL NOTES
=====================

All contributed articles are printed with the author's prior
consent. It is assumed that any questions, tips or replies to
questions may be reprinted. All letters become the property of
the "Homeschooler's Notebook". [Occasionally your contribution
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